He Said

It always happens in May. Almost Everything about our story happened in May.

The first time that we met was May 1998. Its I think the second day of the Summer Workshop for DOST Scholars. Iwas early and hanging out near a cigarette vendor in walk way going to Adamson because there's nothing 'beautiful' to see iniside; when I suddenly saw her walking towards me. Eyes filled with joy and smiling - almost like she wants to hug me. It's like one of those close up commercials. What a way to start the day right? She'd later on deny this, just wait for her side of the story, but I knew she fell for me at first sight. I only realized later that she's also on the same workshop. She must've recognized me from the day before. I was a rascal back then and always wants to be the center of attention, plus I know I won't be seeing anyone in thsi room (aside from my friends and batchmates from high school)and since the workshop is a bit boring, I decided to pick on her. I would go up to the podium every morning and every break and say "Excuse me classmates, Hi daw sa girl na naka-white jacket." I did that everyday till she cringe out of shame since everyone was now asking who was it. I told everyone that the greeting is not from me and started pairing her up with one of the scholars, I just like seeing her all blushed up.Then her two weeks of embarrassing moments ended with the closing of the workshop and we all had to part our ways - or so I thought.

When the class started its my turn to blush. Not only are we on the same school, we are on the same class - block mates for all our subjects for the first sem. I arrived early the first weeks and managed to avoid her by seating at the back. But then she casually asked me while we were talking with some of our classmates, "DOST ka rin di ba? ikaw yung mayabang na laging me hawak nung mic." Ofcourse I denied everything telling her she must be thinking of someone else. Then as the sem went on we ended up being close friends - bestfriends. We started calling each other up and ending up four hours on the phone. But it was still pure clean friendship then. We just really enjoy talking to each other, no one antagonize me as much as she does and I enjoy arguing with her over everything. But in school we have different circles, which she often complains about. But hey, we were just friends. We started giving each other gifts and hanging out with each other. When the sem came we already have different classes but she'll stay after her classes while I'll come in early so that we could sit and chat for a while, and ofcourse the endless phone calls.

So that's how we were. We were so close that people started thinking that we were together, I remember someone even asked my permission to go out with her on a concert. When my relationship back then ended (for reasons other than her, I told you we were just bestfriends) she was there to pick me up and nothing changed. People still confuse the two of us as an item though we were really just friends. The first time that I realized what they were seeing was I think Christmas. Viquint Isaac and I (my best buddies) were hanging out at my place playing guitar when I introduced her to them through phone, we ended up serenading her over the phone for hours. After the call, Viquint pointed out to me that I like her more than as a friend. That's the first time I admitted it but told them that I won't be doing anything or at least not yet, because I don't want her to feel that its just a rebound because she deserves something special. Months passed by, and we've been on that situation for months. Not knowing if were going to take the friendship to another level or stay as bestfriends.

Things got so complicated, people are asking the same questions we were asking ourselves, are we together? It finally got to her and asked me for some space. I was too proud to say no. Till the school year ended and the summer We stayed apart. I'd call her, but I won't talk, what's there to say. I finally decided to do something about our situation and take the leap - when the school start. Just one surpise, when the school started I couldn't get her alone she's always with someone and seems to be avoiding me. That's how I found out she now have a boyfriend. Oh the irony. After that the day we avoided each other. Which is hard especially when she became the Coordinator for DOST - that means we have to see each other every pre-lims and enrollments to submit the grades. Often I could get away with it having someone pass my grades but for the instances that I can't it was always an awkward situation. It's like she wants to say something I want to say something but no one is going to say anything. I remember one time, it was after her bestfriend Ruby finallly told me her side of the story on what happened and I told Ruby my side, Ruby told her what I toldv Ruand Ruby told me what she said but both of us saying we want to hear it from each other before we believe it. When I saw her the next day to submit my grade she was alone in her office, after I handed her my grade I was still standing in the room, she asked me if I was going to say anything else I rebutted asking her the same question we both broke out laughing and saying if the other one is not going to say anything then we are not going to say anything. We ended up parting ways again adding more awkwardness to an already awkward sitation. She goes in a room, I'll go out, and vice versa.That went on for years. She has a steady relationship while I've been in and out of relationships, both of us trying our best to avoid each other.

TIll the last two terms in college. I guess deep down we already admitted to ourselves that it wasn't meant to be and already accepted that after college we wont even be a footnote to each other's life. But fate, it seems have another idea. Now just to make things clear, I wasn't the one who enrolled myself that term, so I don't have any hand in this, this is pure serendipity. We ended up on the same design class, design class is a group class sort of like a thesis. What's worse, we both don't know anyone on the class but the same four people. So its either we bunked up and put our grades on the hands of people we know or one of us will end up grouping with people he/she don't know. I told Ruby to tell her that if she doesn't want to be in the same group I'm willing to go to another team but she said it was ok. The first weeks were as awkward as the past three years.

Then came one sunday in May. As school-boy crazy like the first time, I thought, "What the heck, college is about to end, after this we wont be seeing each other again." I decided to come out clean. I told her everything, my side of the story. I never planned to do anything about it. I was just letting her know. The unexpected happenned. I guess it was time for us to finally face what we've both been avoiding for years.What started out as a moment of insanity, a day of being honest to each other created a whirlwind of emotions and confussions. No one really know what was happenning even us. That day left us more confused than we were three years ago, but just as certain as how we both felt. Since we both had things to fix in our lives before we could even ponder if this would work, we gave each other a month to figure out if we really want this and weren't just being swept away by the feelings we've held back for so long.

Six years after, I still fall in love with here all over again when I wake up every morning.